Chaos in Laos

Bonjour mes amis! Hope all are well and good.

OK the last 2 weeks have seen me travel my way through Laos, a country that boasts the record of being the most bombed country anywhere and during the Vietnam war on average a bomb landed here every 9 minutes. Well it may have been a while since then but monsieur Freel dropped a bomb of his own slap bang in the middle of the Mekong river when dismounting the 30ft trapeze swing and John Smiths style bombing into the waters below. 9.8 average score from the crowds and a very bruised right butt cheek to boot.

Laos is amazing, it really is. As soon as we drifted over the border the country oozed relaxation and even the birds flew around in slow motion. Vientiane was the first stop and there was bugger all to do really but it was still a cool, relaxing place. I even managed to get out for a run and bumped into a couple of English girls on the bus from Bangkok and commenced my bond with the legendary Kat and Lou (more about them later!). A couple of nights in Vientiane were enough and after getting a stern telling off from our guest house owner for getting in after the midnight curfew we felt it best to leave and headed off for the main attraction of the country - floating down a river in giant rubber rings, drinking beer and swinging from zip slides and trapezes in Vang Viene.

I shit you not this is a very simple concept but probably one of the best things in the world - ever! You basically pay 2 quid for a giant inflatable ring, jump in a tuk tuk, get dropped off at the river and then sit in your tyre and commence floating down. After 30 metres is the first bamboo bar with zip slide and beer Lao. Stop there for a bit and get back in float to the next bar and so on. The slides get higher and the beer flows faster and everybody convenes at the biggest trapeze, drinking, swinging and cheering as each individual tries to outdo the last and all the blokes try to impress the ladies with their heroic dives and tricks. Me, I just bombed straight in like an old northern man should do, no flies on me love! We had a group of about 10 of us and had a fantastic few days, meeting some great people from the US, Canada, Ireland, England and Oz. Shandy Lee Fox may possibly have the best porn name for a real name ever, Lisa the prada hippie chick from LA was a legend as was Steph (clearly the best diver). Kat and Lou were on top form, taking it in turns to get lashed and swing like monkeys ensuring that at least one of them was always on form. Ivor the Irish engine was a barrel of laughs and his sidekick James was possibly the most pissed man I have ever seen at 6pm on the second tubing excursion. Pat the cuddly bear made up the ensemble along with the shadow who it was virtually impossible to shake off.

The final stop after the carnage here was Luang Prabang where I am now sat typing away and I have spent a brilliant 3 days here, seen an amazing waterfall, caught up on sleep, shopped in the market and eaten like a lord. Have also been out every night and been in the local ten pin bowling alley the last 3 nights running. It's the only place serving beer post midnight! Am flying back to Bangkok tonight for 3 more nights in my home from home and will be catching up with smithy and Neil for one last Asian session. Then it's off to Sydney for chapter 2 of this worldwide extravaganza. Bring it on cobbers and get those bloody shrimps right on that Barby.