Anyone for a Brazilian?

So after waving adios to Smithers, Big Si, Joker and Caz, myself and Em set sail to Brazil on the absolute dogs knackers of a luxury bus. I shit you not the leather recliners turned into beds, we were served a 3 course meal and they even had English films en route. Bit different to the night bus to Tooting I can tell you!

First stop in Brazil was to have a quick shifty at Iguazu falls and what a hell of a water feature it is. Titchmarsh would have a field day here and it pisses all over Niagara for sheer size and beauty. There's almost 200 different falls and you can't fail to be impressed, even if you have seen more bloody waterfalls in the last 9 months than most people will in a lifetime. A bit of jetboating through them added to the fun and then it was off to the crime capital of the world to try and dodge bullets in Rio.

Now you may think i'm exaggerating with my bullet dodging quote but the night we arrived lo and behold a bloke was shot dead 20 yards from our hostel! No word of a lie, and one of the young English lads from our place tried to give him mouth to mouth and watched him die in his arms! Nice intro but c'est la vie and next day we awoke to the sun shining so Em dusted off the bikini and I found my one remaining pair of ageing speedos and it was off to the beach to try some power tanning. Ipanema beach is fantastic, if only for the people watching quality although for some reason we set up camp in campsville, right between the rainbow flags in the middle of gay central. I have never seen so many stacked and vain raving queens in all of my life, it was like being on the England football team bus. The blokes were strutting around lording it for all they were worth and creeping onto the beach with beer gut proudly slumped I felt like I had clearly turned up at the wrong party.
Needless to say the next few days saw the reintroduction of exercise into the freel diet and the time in Rio was sensational. We had some good nights out but mainly chilled on the beach and had some real rest and relaxation time. Visting Christo redempto and looking over all of Rio was amazing and we also stopped in the national park at a spot where all the murderers discard their dead bodies. The place reeked so bad I almost projectiled my breakfast up and it was a harsh reminder that this city is clearly not one that you want to be strolling around in alone.

The whistle stop tour of Brazil was over far too soon and the place definitely needs to be redone in detail. The one shite thing about Rio is the bloody airport though and after 20 hours of waiting for a flight we eventually got out of there on a mission but still on schedule and headed back to La Paz en route to our final destination in South America. The land of the Incas and magical Macchu Pichu were destined to be the piece de la resistance of this chapter.