Cuddling Koalas, Racing Yachts and Jumping Jeeps!

After returning from our dive adventure Fergy fled to Noosa to catch up with an old friend and me and Em decided to hire a car to make our way quickly down the East Coast. And it was a rapid journey as I only had 8 days to get to Brisbane in time to fly in for Lees wedding!

First stop was Townsville as a resting spot and launchpad to Magnetic Island where we were off to meet some koalas and were booked on a tour with a crazy hippy bloke in a stretch jeep! The island was spot on and laid back larry gave us a good history lesson as well as feeding us ants, making us smell the local cheese fruit which almost brought on some impromptu barfage, letting us hand feed the rock wallabies and see koalas in the wild. He then dropped us at the koala sanctuary and we had a good look at the crocs, lizards and koalas here. Apparently they're feisty little fellas but the dude that I hugged looked stoned and I could quite happily have taken him home for a few days, although my offer of 50 dollars was not quite enough!

Cuddling koala - Tick! So it was off to Airlie beach, a mecca of madness in the middle of nowheresville! The strip is reminiscent of an 18-30's spanish resort and we arrived in Beaches at 10pm and had to scurry through the rammed bar and chuck our bags in the room. Since we were staying above the Dj Box the only option was to join the party so it was straight on it and a good welcome to Airlie beach. We then had a welcomed day of lounging and I even managed a run although there's many more needed after re-developing my weeble shape!

The Whitsundays are sensational and we boarded Boomerang, a 28berth maxi sailing yacht, for 3 days of cruising the islands. Whitehaven beach has the whitest sand and most aquamarine sea you will ever set eyes on and a bit of snorkling on the reef and lying on the deck was about as energetic as things got - absolute bliss!

Next stop Fraser island and after a marathon 10hour drive arriving at 11pm it was up at 6.30am to book in for our self drive adventure! It soon became clear that old man Freel would be doing most of the driving as 9 of the people in our 11 man jeep were not old enough to drive! Suited me and Em fine as it meant we were gonna get to unleash the beast on the largest sand island in the world. I left the girls to sort out the food and somehow we ended up with 7 cucumbers and 14 loaves of bread but I wasn't saying a word and with food, loads of beer and kids on board we hit the island and the next 3 days were absolutely sensational.

The island is an absolute gem and pretty massive as well, all covered in sand and surrounded by turquoise seas rammed with things that kill you! Singing on the beach, spotting sharks, dolphins, turtles and stingrays from Indian head, pitching tents, the dazzling Lake McKenzie, doing 80 down the beach and lazing in the champagne pools, chasing dingo's and avoiding snakes, gigantic spiders and angry dingo's - the whole adventure from start to finish was incredible! It was a shame to leave but leave we did and Em drove the last leg to Brisbane arriving about 1am and kipping in the car before catching a 7am plane to Sydney and Lee and Roch's wedding!

East coast in 8 days, a mission but not impossible and well worth the effort!

Sharks, Turtles, Rays and Crocs - North Queensland absolutely rocks!

Excuse the gay use of rocks in the title but it rhymed so there you are. Well after the liver destroying depravity of Hong Kong to falling out of a Cairns bunkbed I guess the only way was up (as Yazz would say) and it was north we headed to Cape Tribulation to see a bit of the Queensland rainforest and get closer to the barrier reef.

All I can say is that despite the rain this was a true Ozzie adventure and everything and more that I had hoped for. We started on a trip to Cape Trib and on the way took in the sights of the Daintree river via a boat tour. Cruising down the banks of these murky waters it was literally 2 minutes in before the laid back guide shouted ' Do any of you guys like wildlife?' to which he received a muffled approval. "Well look left that's Scarface, the toughest of the crocs on this stretch!" Literally 5 metres to my left was a 5metre long croc half submerged in the river and half basking in the sun on the bank. By all accounts he'd kicked the arses of most of the other crocs on the river to claim his title at the top of the tree and now pretty much had his pick of food and women. It brought back memories of being in the City & Guilds canteen and I immediately developed a close bond with old scarface.

We cruised round the river for about 45mins and spotted a baby croc literally about 6 inches long as well as a juvenile who I reckon I could've taken. No sign of any budding Steve Irwin types though I think they've all gone a bit quiet since his untimely departure. After that we headed to the rainforest in Cape Trib and the clue's in the name but rain was top of the agenda for the next 2 days. The only thing to do once we'd walked the beach was get on it but as it was Good Friday the ozzies were only serving booze with food between 7-9pm! Could you believe it! Well the good lord would've been proud as we almost reanacted his water to wine feat instead converting a bowl of soup and plate of chips into 6 jugs of the golden amber. The surrounding tables watched in disbelief as the clearly alcholic english folk quaffed their ale whilst sharing potato snacks!

It had been almost 4 months since my Open Water Dive experience on Ko Tao so it was with excitement and trepidation that I booked a 3 dive trip on the barrier reef with Emily and Fergs. We were bumped back a day due to fear of a tsunami which obviously made me so much more keen to get out on the boat, but lo and behold next day we were picked up early doors and off we trotted. The boat was a beast and along with 1 other Danish/Indian lass there were the 4 of us qualified divers and about 20 snorkellers on board. Mind you with the sea chopping harder than Bruce Lee about three quarters of them were gipping after the first 5 minutes. Not me though hard as nails man of the sea that I now am!

The first dive reminded me how it worked and after the initial shock of learning to breathe again I soon got my barings and had a good old nosey around. I do seem to have lungs like Red Rum though as I got through my air at almost twice the speed of everyone else. Dive 2 was where all the action was and as of yet in my underwater career I had never spotted Jaws or any of the teenage mutant ninjas so to see both of these things within 2 minutes of each other was incredible.

The reef sharks were about 2metres long and just dozing at the bottom with one lazy black eye kept open just in case you fancied a ruck! The turtle appeared above us like a gargantuous golf umbrella and the fella was wallowing along minding his own business and was a joy to watch. I could've quite easily just followed him all day but there was that bloomin air problem again and it was soon time to get on deck! The third dive brought Axle the giant grouper fish into play and he was playing around like a bog old dog, letting you tickle his chin and stroke his back as he meandered about. He was about twice the size of me and rounder than Rik Waller but so dosile and soft it was ridiculous. We also spotted Trumpet, Lion, Tiger, Angel, Nemo, Barracuda, Stingrays and all sorts of weird and wonderful shit and the coral off Port Douglas was great to explore and admire. Are you getting the impression i'm getting quite into this diving lark. I even managed a couple of somersaults and whoops of joy underwater like the gay sailor I am!

We arrived back in Cairns last night after a great adventure and after sorting out flights, cars and admin crap today it's off on a 9 day drive down the coast, taking in Magnetic Island, Airlie and The Whitsundays and Fraser Island before I arrive in Brissy on 18th April. Can't wait and can't wait to get back under that sea and find a few more of those big finned beasts to wave my little fins at along the way!

Bed Hopping

After the craziness of Hong Kong and a couple of days off the lash recovering the system and slowly ridding myself of Parkinsons disease, it was good to get back to the laid back civilisation of Oz. The mammoth 3 plane journey via Sydney and Brisbane eventually plumped me in Cairns where my good buddy Fergie was waiting to greet me (in his bed in a hostel as per usual at 5pm in the afternoon!).

After a quick shower it was time for a few beers and a catch up and things were going well as we headed to PJ O'Briens famous Wednesday Coyote girl night. The beers went down really well and the chat was flowing as we bumped into a few regular faces and sank a few schooners and Fergie befriended a young Irish lass before randomly disappearing with her. As he failed to return and had left me with a couple of random blokes and her salad dodging friend I headed for the imaginary bathroom and made my shaky way back to the hostel. The memory of this stroll is slightly lacking but I did discover a picture of a friendly local I bumped into en route home when I looked at the camera the next day.

Having negotiated this hurdle I finally made it back to bed and clambered onto the top bunk attempting not to disturb fergie from his slurping and frolicing in the bunk below. It wasn't long before the lights were out and all was well in the world of Freel as merry thoughts of drunken delights and chicken doners ran through my slumbersome mind. However all was about to change as an incident of death defying gravity was due to occur. At approximately 5.30am as Fergie was reaching his height of enjoyment he must have tilted the bed slightly with his final jerk. This convulsion sent Freel reeling from his comfortable perch and free falling head first straight into the solid, polished concrete floor below.

The room was awash with claret and the scotsman over the way threw Freel a T-shirt while Fergie muttered something about Freel ruining his moment by trying to get a sneaky peek! The result can be seen below but I ask you, please do any of you think I would seriously be trying to catch an eyeful of the lady that spent the night with Fergie above? I rest my case and am therefore sticking by the bed tilting story!

Hong Kong Phewy!

Crazy! Just absolutely ridiculously crazy!

After traveling a fairly routine route to date I decided to do a dramatic detour and head to Hong Kong for the rugby sevens, a legendary friends stag do, and to see Gaz Wilde behaving exactly the same just in a different country.

As soon as I arrived in HK there was no doubt that it was going to be a problematic 6 days. The plane touched down at 10pm and after clearing customs I headed for some cash. Computer said no! In fact about 6 of the buggers said no and after some serious panic I dug out my emergency twenty quid note and exchanged it at the travelex. So next stop train to town where my good friend Mr Wilde assured me he would be waiting. Not so, in fact nowhere to be found and no means of contacting him so with cash subsiding it was a quick cab to the nearest hotel to check emails and find Wildes phone number. Number located the friendly staff allowed me use of their phone only to find that Gaz's number was out of service! So what next, only option was back to station, maybe i'd missed him. As I stood in the lift with both backpacks strapped on in the middle of Hong Kong at midnight things were not looking strong but then as the door opened the Wildemans face appeared (slightly chubbier than i've ever seen it before I must say) and all was well, i'd made it!

Nexy day it was off to do some sightseeing for Freel and I headed up the peak tramway to view HK from the highest point. Bloody good view as well I can tell thee but after taking in the botanical gardens and buying 2 pairs of pants in H & M the boozer was calling and it never stopped calling for the next 5 days!

The rest of the week boils down to a number of bullet pointed memories, as memories are hard to recollect. The amount of alcohol consumed (and i'm no slouch) was quite simply obscene. 10.30am each day until 5am the next were the allocated drinking hours and even in your 5 hour slumber you were visualising where the next pint was coming from. Highlights include:

- Rosco being interviewed by Asian TV who's presenter went to Cov Uni

- Throwing a beer jug (empty) 50 yards and bouncing it off a womans head only for her to not even flinch

- Superted trying to speed munch a boiling hot pie

- General south stand madness

- Dancing on many bars

- Sleeping in a trash can

- making girls kiss each other

It was quite simply absolute carnage but thoroughly enjoyed. The 20 hour flight back to Cairns was painful to say the least but it's good to be back in Oz, good to see old fergs again and good to know that I will never step foot in that nuthouse of a country again!